the reader

11:25 pm
got home from work. reheated miscellaneous leftover pasta doused in habanero tabasco.
not a bad night. i've had many much later, much worse.
eating and reading nancy, looking at an image of buffaloes jumping off (falling off?) a cliff.

wish i could be on google reader all day, opening up an endless number of tabs.
mostly i just end up typing furiously and walking to the restroom, having a couple of beers at the desk or somewhere else at the end of the day.

trying to cut down on the drinking again. had been doing so well between may and october. i just don't have the willpower anymore.

other things i should/have been wanting to do:
go back to yoga
learn bookbinding (and maybe statistics)
finish a concept that's not work-related
coq au vin night

my coworker today asked for time as his birthday gift. what a nice thought. i wish we had 30 hours a day. i think i'd be cool with that.

young but aging

sat by two young girls from the neighborhood by the church today. the younger one who is about 4 was asking her 10-year old sister to read to her. the sister read slowly, syllable by syllable. i thought as i looked at them that they will grow up to be beautiful girls and hoped they would know things like math and english, and how to use a computer. some people at the church were starting an after-school program for kids in the area. i sometimes think about helping out, but i get so sad and frustrated thinking about inequality sometimes that i tip myself over into apathy.

after that, i had lunch with a friend's 1-year-old for the first time. i liked watching a child that hasn't quite learned how to smile yet. still, she was quite the charmer with her frequent squints and teeth-baring. such a social little girl--the kind that i wasn't.

feeling ridiculously on edge these days. don't know if it's all the deadlines and the intense hourly introspection. really having to think about what i want out of the next 5-10 years. i never thought i'd have to think about it, but if i don't, i'll find that time goes by and i still won't know what i want. and it's where i don't think i want to be.

i keep falling into things and i don't know if i can keep relying on that forever.

del taco daily allowance

what is it about the 1am s that bring about uncontrollable del taco cravings? as if the taste of taco will cradle me into slumber? 

now the sauce is pumped out into sauce cups, just like ketchup at in-n-out, but this sauce isn't a cover-up for the taste of meat, but a meat-enhancer! 

i had kale salad the other day, and didn't know that kale made a good salad. and it did. is kale the super fruit that makes smoothies all green. Dad Chiu makes a shake that is made of vegetables and seeds.  It makes me feel like a vegetable.  Feeling like a vegetable is different than liking vegetables.  You just feel if someone squeezed you, all the water would seep out.  

found a mind map program. and been minding mapping myself in hopes of finding a paying career that isn't wiping tables at a restaurant or mopping bathroom floors.  this is me aiming a bit higher.  and feeling inadaquate of "real" jobs. 

--a'misa

coffeehouse

from one to another

like portland to church

the similar sounds of hacking

away at keyboards

and pocket change

stumptown vineyards on centinela

between the stops of costume shop wigs

and mitsuwa's noodles and 

depositing 

my measely attempts at survival

from nursing houses

filled with playwrights and jewish high society

of santa monica

and manhattan

beach cities

lunchbreaks driving wildly

to do 

chores that keep

me from waking up earlier than noon

because reading is better

in afternoon light

right before 

you clock 

in for 

work.

--ann

To Retain?

its 3am, and i'm awake, and been debating with myself for hours, whether or not I should wear my retainers to bed tonite.

Blue

i started making clips the color of oceans.

it reminds me that i haven't been in the water in a long while.  my skin craves the sun.
the world is windy, perhaps the land is getting ready for a long hard summer.
perhaps i need to dig up my suit and swim a bit.

until then, i'll make clips the color of oceans.