noodleshop ephiphany

at a chinese noodle shop that sells noodles with fish balls & fish "wontons," i thought about what i wanted to do in life.
came up with the following:
age gracefully & passionately
live simply but never succumb to mediocrity (is this possible?)

parking lot poetry

because i'm cheap, i park my car at a hypermarket (an inflated version of the supermarket) across from work. it's called tesco lotus, which used to be 1/2 owned by the tesco chain from the UK and then the lotus is probably just to make it sound asian or something.

i get my coffee at a cafe called "au bon pain," which seems out of place among the other B/C offerings. it's weird to think about people and products in letters not so different from letter grades we used to get in school. everyone is an A, B, C, or D with a + or - in between. nobody is a failure if they've got the buying power.

every evening at the north (?) end of the parking lot a bunch of people gather for government-sponsored aerobics. there is a makeshift stage for the instructor and bumpy techno music. the receptionist at my office often joins them in the back row. late at night in the same spot the kids bring out their motorbikes and do tricks. then later they go racing in the streets. some probably die before the night is over.

once i saw high school or junior college kids practicing their act possibly for some school talent show or competition after the aerobic ladies had cleared out. they surrounded a piece of cloth, each holding a portion and waving it up and down against the wind as they moved in a circle--sort of like that parachute exercise from PE class when you're a kid--as some of their friends in all-white uniforms watched from the back of pick up trucks parked nearby.

once when i parked and got out of the car, an old man came up to me and asked if my car ran on a lot of gas. at this point, the paper towel around my coffee cup fell and i bent down to pick it up. when i stood back up, he had already scurried away.

del taco daily allowance

what is it about the 1am s that bring about uncontrollable del taco cravings? as if the taste of taco will cradle me into slumber? 

now the sauce is pumped out into sauce cups, just like ketchup at in-n-out, but this sauce isn't a cover-up for the taste of meat, but a meat-enhancer! 

i had kale salad the other day, and didn't know that kale made a good salad. and it did. is kale the super fruit that makes smoothies all green. Dad Chiu makes a shake that is made of vegetables and seeds.  It makes me feel like a vegetable.  Feeling like a vegetable is different than liking vegetables.  You just feel if someone squeezed you, all the water would seep out.  

found a mind map program. and been minding mapping myself in hopes of finding a paying career that isn't wiping tables at a restaurant or mopping bathroom floors.  this is me aiming a bit higher.  and feeling inadaquate of "real" jobs. 

--a'misa

professionally braless

this morning, after sleeping for 3 hours, i slipped my new uber-modern dress on for the client presentation then put my make up face on to distract from the insane bags under my eyes and the pimple that had popped the night before. i drove to the office at 8:30--way too early for someone like me. i parked, got my iced latte and walked across the street to work. i rode the elevator to the 5th floor, checked my e-mail then got into a colleague's car for the hour long drive to our prospective client's office.

sitting in the backseat looking out at the suburbs of bangkok, something felt different, lighter. i realized that i had no bra on today. i guess you could sort of see nipples if you really looked, but the crazy deconstructed drapes in front were pretty good at hiding things. spent the rest of the day braless and too busy to even drive home to grab one. then it rained really hard and messed up my evening plans, but i guess i was secretly glad i didn't have to meet someone for dinner without a bra on. come to think of it, it probably would've been ok. after all, i did sit through a meeting with a roomful of strangers who either didn't notice or must have quietly thought, how liberated and european she must be!

long day short night

left work
this morning

almost hit
a dog
and a cat,
a kitten rather
on the way
home

as always, flashed
back
to trolley park
tennis ball
thud
dent
and then
teeth & foam
convulsions
is he still alive?
i may never find out
she said
it was her fault

called sleepy
spain
set alarms
for wake up
calls
stayed awake
for no reason

brb
see you
soon

two drafts

a lot of blanks

figuring out the distance

between

what you want

and

what is expected

of you

i want to do

what i want to do

now

it's why i sometimes do things

alone

coffeehouse

from one to another

like portland to church

the similar sounds of hacking

away at keyboards

and pocket change

stumptown vineyards on centinela

between the stops of costume shop wigs

and mitsuwa's noodles and 

depositing 

my measely attempts at survival

from nursing houses

filled with playwrights and jewish high society

of santa monica

and manhattan

beach cities

lunchbreaks driving wildly

to do 

chores that keep

me from waking up earlier than noon

because reading is better

in afternoon light

right before 

you clock 

in for 

work.

--ann